I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
