I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
