well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
