Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
