Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
