Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
