He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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