Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
