We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
