they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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