last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
