It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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