Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
