I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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