Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
