i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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