Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
