I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
