Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
