I will die if light touches me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
