Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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