I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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