Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
