he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
