Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
