Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
