guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
