Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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