i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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