You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
