the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
