yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
