I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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