Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
