If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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