i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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