he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
