And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
