she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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