3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
