i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
