i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
