Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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