Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
