my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
