oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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