Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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