I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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