you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
