Too much gin, very little bucket
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
