that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
