At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
